Christmas Eve

the time for resolutions will be here. Not this year. Didn't do it last year, won't do it this one either. But, there are a few things I'd like to work on. I said that last year too. Nothing written down, didn't tell anyone and maybe that was the downfall of them not happening.

I finally figured out that if I decide I need to lose weight, I immediately start eating junk food even when I'm not hungry and don't want it. Why exactly is that? what in my though process does the opposite that I want? Well, I know that I've always been contrary and will the opposite of whatever anyone wants me to do, have always been that way, but now it is really backfiring - must be karma pay back.

Last december 26th i declared that I wasn't celebrating holidays/birthdays anymore. whenever we tried to plan something special, got all excited and our expectations up, something happened. It never fails. Last christmas eve was horrible. So horrible I didn't even ask for a do-over. I tried as much as possible to ignore my birthday, accepted the happy birthday wishes quietly, didn't plan anything special (except I took a 2 hour knitting class that made me happy) and just moved on. easter, memorial day, boys birthday, 4th of July nothing special. Well, got the boys birthday presents, after all it was their 21st, but one was in boot camp.

this christmas, two kids home, one 1,200 miles away, mom 900 miles away. Not sad, not happy. just another day.

WELL, don't I sound all depressing and blah? so. we will try again for 2009. I have a couple short trips planned. Know I will be going away for about a week when #1 son deploys so that we can see him off, then bring his car and stuff home and maybe a trip this summer. I planned gifts for this christmas pretty well and in advance, so will do that again for next year. Organization is going to be my middle name this coming year. HA! well, we'll see but I'm gonna give it a try. that probably means i'll do the exact opposite (see above).

Am going to make the effort to blog every day and see how that works out for me. try and stay honest.

Merry Christmas!