Happy New Year

Here's my 10 for Tuesday, which is really a list of resolutions that I probably won't keep but want to try.

1. Exercise more. Say that all the time, but I do have a pass for the local gym and have actually been going to the step class 2x a week on and off. Gotta start using those yoga tapes I have.

2. Eat less and better. The problem with trying to diet I've found is that as soon as I declare a diet, I immediately eat a pound of m&ms every day until I decide I've gone off the diet. Maybe hypnosis should be on my list this year.

3. Keep working on that happy place. I started practincing random acts of happy this summer to lessen the road rage and general meanness I get. I take a deep breath and tell myself not to let the "offender" win by making me angry and nasty for what ever amount of time it takes me to get over it. Amazingly that has helped a lot. Only one time in the past month have I walked in the door at the end of the day totally raged, and that was because of someone at work . . . it took MANY deep breaths to get over that one.

4. Plan meals, see #2. I can plan till I'm blue in the face, it's that old follow through that seems to stop me.

5. Obviously follow through on the day to day stuff I'm trying to work on. Well, I am still a work in progress

6. Take trips. I want to see my mom more, and why haven't I gone to see son #1? I could certainly do it on a 3 day weekend even if I only saw each of them a day and a half to allow for travel time. I also want to go to other places. Well, I know why, money is not pouring out of my pockets

7. Money. GOT to get a handle on it.

8. Give more home made christmas presents in 2009. That should be easy?

9. Start making those christmas presents now - hahahahahah. Well, maybe if I make a list, set a goal and do one a month, that will be some of them?

10. Enjoy life. I've been working on that one too. And I do for the most part enjoy my life each and every day. Now is the time to figure out how to do it more. More more more. Bigger, better. Since I don't watch a lot of tv anymore because really it is mostly crap, I dont have the buy buy buy get get get feeling as much. I don't feel poor, unloved, inadequate becuase I am not keeping up with the jones. I don't know the jones, I don't see the jones and I really don't care what the jones are doing.

Peace and here's to a better 2009 :)

Merry Christmas to All!

It is a great day! Spending with most of my family (except army son who is in Louisiana working hard guarding our country). Will see my sister and her family for lunch then DH and I leave to spend the weekend with my mom. Can't. wait. DD leaving to spend the rest of the year with some friends/family out of state. Son 2 gets the entire house t himself for the weekend. Hope it is still here when I get back. Gave him cat care lessons yesterday. They will all be eating deli roast beef I'm sure :)




my boys.

I use to call son 1 and son 2 "the boys" Now they are grown "men". The cats are both boys. It is a natural flow. Of course I try not to call them "the boys" often because it confuses everyone else. The other day I came home and asked DH if "the boys" were outside. He just looked at me in confusion as he was looking at one of them across the room and the other is away. Last night I was talking to son 1 and said something about "the boys" there was a pause. He said oh, you mean the CATS? Well, yeah. oops.

Christmas Eve

the time for resolutions will be here. Not this year. Didn't do it last year, won't do it this one either. But, there are a few things I'd like to work on. I said that last year too. Nothing written down, didn't tell anyone and maybe that was the downfall of them not happening.

I finally figured out that if I decide I need to lose weight, I immediately start eating junk food even when I'm not hungry and don't want it. Why exactly is that? what in my though process does the opposite that I want? Well, I know that I've always been contrary and will the opposite of whatever anyone wants me to do, have always been that way, but now it is really backfiring - must be karma pay back.

Last december 26th i declared that I wasn't celebrating holidays/birthdays anymore. whenever we tried to plan something special, got all excited and our expectations up, something happened. It never fails. Last christmas eve was horrible. So horrible I didn't even ask for a do-over. I tried as much as possible to ignore my birthday, accepted the happy birthday wishes quietly, didn't plan anything special (except I took a 2 hour knitting class that made me happy) and just moved on. easter, memorial day, boys birthday, 4th of July nothing special. Well, got the boys birthday presents, after all it was their 21st, but one was in boot camp.

this christmas, two kids home, one 1,200 miles away, mom 900 miles away. Not sad, not happy. just another day.

WELL, don't I sound all depressing and blah? so. we will try again for 2009. I have a couple short trips planned. Know I will be going away for about a week when #1 son deploys so that we can see him off, then bring his car and stuff home and maybe a trip this summer. I planned gifts for this christmas pretty well and in advance, so will do that again for next year. Organization is going to be my middle name this coming year. HA! well, we'll see but I'm gonna give it a try. that probably means i'll do the exact opposite (see above).

Am going to make the effort to blog every day and see how that works out for me. try and stay honest.

Merry Christmas!

Holiday Cheer Part II

I swear I'm trying to get into the spirit. I'm rethnking all my past years of hopes and failures. The tree was purchased and brought home. It was even brought into the house and put in the stand within 2 days! Last night I thought would be a good night to put up at least the lights. Went to the basement to get the decorations. Found 1 (one) stinkin box which fortunately had the stockings and angle in it, but only one string of lights. The rest of the orniments were no where near the stack of crap I have stored in the laundry room. No problem I thought, I'll look in the storage room under the step.

Of course before I can open that door, I have to move all the crap in my daughter's room because god forbid she ever clean or put anything away. Got it opened. no boxes. none. in fact it looks as if that storage area has been robbed it is so empty looking.

Now I think that maybe they got taken to the off site storage room. Don't ask it's another budget drain that I can't wait to be rid of. However, in my effort to be cheap because the storage room was only supose to have the stuff my DD took from her marriage and was to be temporary storage until she found her own place - 14 months ago - and would take all those treasures and furniture. and it has all my army son's stuff that he couldn't part with while gone for the next undetermined amount of time, and my house is bustin at the seams. but I digress

storage room is 50 miles away. major highway travel is needed to get to it, weekend before holiday. I-95. I may cry

Why do I do This To Myself Part 1

I was having a lovely conversation with son #1 this evening, he's half away across the country serving our country and won't be home for christmas. sigh. Anyway as we were talking about his deployment in May and he was trying to explain how/why they may be deployed earlier, I said oh, we've got to get you a camera that you can download pictures directly to the laptop so that I can see you and what is going on. He said yeah, he wanted to do that. THEN I don't know how exactly we got on the subject of pictures and babies and grandchildren. Well, I do know but it isn't something to be shared with anyone, I said . . .

if you had a baby, I would expect you to be taking pictures all the time and sending them to me on email so that I could enjoy the baby that was half way across the cuontry with you. Once we established that he wouldn't be having any baby any time soon (his words and declaration) which is good because he is too young. then he said If I had a baby then I'd be sending it to live with you especially when I was deployed. . . I'd send my wife too.

hm

well, of course I said that I would welcome them with open arms and of course they could come live here. WHAT WAS I THINKING???????????????????

Then I got that warm fuzzy feeling inside. my baby still is my baby and he does still depend on his mom. I can't make the combat practice, gas chamber, fighting hurts any better, but at least he know and rembers love

Long Time

Well. It's a pretty good thing that I don't think anyone is reading this because I have been woefully behind on any type of blogging whatsoever. thanksgiving was a somber affair. No one was really interested in the day, half of us were sick and son#1 was gone. ick.

Still trying to get my christmas oomph going. Forcing myself to listen to christmas music on the radio, and have been watching some christmas movies. Kids and I went out saturday night and got the tree. Even their selection was blah. It has been a tradition for many many years the the three kids and I go alone to get a tree. we always go to the same place and when we forget and try a different tree place, we always end up going back to the same old faithful one. At night. Last year we went in the afternoon and agreed that you can't buy a tree when the sun is shining. What fun is the surprise in that? As sons 1 and 2 grew taller and taller, we use them as the height measure. The tree has to be taller than my 6' sons. One year we picked a H U G E tree. It wouldn't fit in the net thingy. It wouldn't fit in the front door. They are double doors. My light supply only covered the bottom third of the tree and more lights had to be bought. it was truly a thing of beauty and every time we go tree shopping, we remember with great joy our enormous tree. This years tree is tall, but skinny. All the trees were skinny and there just didn't seem to be as many. there were only two types, fraiser furs (which is what we always get) and white pines or whatever those long needled things are.

Tomorrw night while I watch one of the few shows on TV I enjoy anymore, I'll get the lights on. Maybe we'll start with the ornaments. Since we got the cat, I don't like to use the tinsel anymore becuase I'm afraid he'll eat it. He isn't a very bright cat most of the time. But I love him just the same.

Holidays

I thought it was just me. This year Thanksgiving could have been just another day. We at the traditional meal, but no extended family and one son missing. I just couldn't get myself interested.

Christmas. I love christmas. I love the tree, the outside decorations (although I don't do them anymore) the inside decorations, the 50 million bascillion cookie recipies. This year. nothing. could be just another day. Have done a little shopping and will get the rest done this week. Just saw in a comic that there are 19 days left. Haven't even thought about a tree and quite frankly am not even interested in getting one. what's the matter with me?

Then I thought it was just me and I see that other people are just not getting excited about it either. Is it the economy? maybe. That our families are changing dynamics? maybe. has the comercialism finally reared its ugly head over the top and we're just done? maybe. None of these seem to be the answer either. I wish I could get over it though. I want to be happy for christmas. I also want to see my son in the army too but don't think that is happening either. Maybe if I get the tree up and decorated. Or at least put the lights in the window which I always do on thanksgiving. Maybe I'll just curl up in a box for the rest of the month. and I think I want my mom. Yeah, crawling into her lap right now would be a good thing. And how worried/shocked would my 80 somthing mom be if her 50 some daughter just crawled into her lap? well, that one just made me smile.