Change

Norma posed the question, what are you doing that is new and improved . . .

Funny, I've been on the "change my life story" for the past few months myself. I'm certainly not old, don't feel old and don't want to feel old, but will be reaching another of those milestone birthdays early next year and don't want to spend the next 50 years sorry for what I didn't do.

On this journey, I've started to take better care of myself (sorta), am learning to do for myself first and not put everyone else ahead of me. No, it isn't selfish. I've spent the last 25 years taking care of spouse and kids. They are all grown up now, have declared their independence - although two of them still live at home - and are forging their own lives. Spouse is making retirement noises, which is an entirely different entry.

I'm learning to say no without guilt and to say this is what I am doing because it is what I want.
I have let go of the notion that I have to do all/be all to everyone so that they will like/love/accept me. It is a hard process but after the first few times of my saying no, I won't help/give/accept what you want/need/tell me, I found it was easier the next time and my family and friends or even strangers didn't turn on me - hmm. guess all those books, shows etc. about respecting yourself so others will is actually true. I'm liking this.

I knit more, putter around the house and go out with friends, well not as often going out but mostly because I don't feel like it. I am more often relaxed and less short tempered. I'm getting a grip on the house and how I want it and am less concerned about what someone might think when they walk in the door.

All in all, I think I'm finally growing up, although I still don't know what i want to be. Maybe that will be the next 5 year project.