Ten on Tuesday

Intentions.    A much better word than “resolution.”   Since I’ve never successfully set a list of New Year’s Resolutions and then stuck with them past mid-January (or even the 5th).    So this is my list of ten intentions for this year, in no particular order.

1   Start your day by expressing gratitude for what you have.  When I think about it, even with all the every-day life issues, I have it pretty good.    I have a home, a job and healthy family.

2   Read a book a month.    I use to read.   all. the. time.   Then I allowed life and other things get in the way.   Mostly sleep got in the way because I would get into bed and open a book then be asleep before I turned the first page.   Since I have readjusted my sleep pattern in the past year I think I can do this!

3   Learn something new.  It doesn’t have to be life changing.   Even if it is just a new exercise routine or a crafty skill - or speed reading.

4   Figure out the areas of your life you want to improve and, ask for help.   There are plenty of benefits to having a mentor.   This is a big one and will take many months to organize, but I’m not getting any younger and really, what am I waiting for.

5   Be positive not reactive.   This will be a HUGE challenge for me.  Mostly when it comes to email correspondence because as soon as I see something that pisses me off, my inclination is to fire something right back.    I have spent the past 6 months working on stopping and taking a breath before answering ANY email.    The ones that fire me up, I take longer and tend to send to someone else first for editing.     Now I am going to work on being my own editor because I am a grown up and can do this.

6    I am going to continue working on being less judgmental.    A huge fault of mine.    I have gotten better and am proud of me for finally getting that.    Of course, the way I got better about it was to just step back and shut my mouth.   That has backfired just a tad because in some cases the other person thought I didn’t care or was ignoring them (in their time of need).    Not true, and I would address the issue later, but I felt it better to say nothing until I could be kind.     This has morphed into the damned if I do and damned if I don’t syndrome so this year will be learning to guard my tongue instead of just saying nothing.

7    Find a new job.    It isn’t that I haven’t been looking, but I haven’t been looking outside my current employer (which is pretty big).    I will widen my circle and plan to have something new by fall.

8    Re do my bathrooms.    We’ve been saying for years that the bathrooms are a disaster and need refinishing.    Well now they all are looking like the 50 year olds that they are so I am going to get serious about finding the tile and appliances that I like and just suck it up and get it done.

9    STICK to the new exercise/eating routine I started.    Since I just spent almost $70 on a new program I am going to remind myself every day how much money I wasted by not doing what I’ve paid for.  That should be motivation enough, don’t you think?

10    Start my Christmas knitting by February and be done with Christmas shopping by November 30th.    Every year I want to be done early and every year I get better (i.e., I am not shopping on Christmas Eve) but this year I want to not have to go to the store for anything except milk and bread by December 1st.

 I can do this!

Don't Neglect Yourself

Resolution:  Don’t neglect yourself:   You are the one person you can neither leave, nor escape, so invest in your relationship with yourself.  Take yourself out for coffee, get to know yourself.

Well, I am actually sitting at my desk with coffee, and I’m getting to know myself in ways I’d prefer to ignore.   I am committed to getting in shape.    Haven’t been in good physical shape for close to 30 years.    Oh, not horrible, but not good either.   I thought “when I turn 50” I’ll make sure I am in the best physical shape of my life.   I did actually GET a physical when I turned 50 and nothing horribly wrong with me showed up.   Oh, I could reduce my cholesterol a tad, but all in all, you’re good to go was the diagnosis.    

Then of course life and outside stressors got in the way.   

With sweet pea’s arrival I declared that I would get in good shape so that I could chase him around, get down on the floor and play with him and be the fun grandma.    Well, after a day with him my back aches and I need a long nap.

So again, starting last month, I re-declared I was going to get this done and change my lifestyle to suit me.   I re-connected my bodybuddy so that I can track my activity.    I have successfully logged in my food for the past three days (yay me!).    I ordered yet another exercise program and this morning sat down with the on-line part – because the CD's haven't arrived yet – and filled out the stats.    I have to take a before picture.   Yipee.   Think I’ll leave my face off of it.   The measurements were demoralizing enough.   Although in my defense, for the past year I decided to control my weight with eating alone and not focus on the exercise so much.    How’d that work for me?    Well, I only gained 5 pounds, so I know that my eating won’t have to change drastically along with my workout program….which has been non-existent to date.   One change at a time.   Right?

January 1, 2015

I am not one for New Year’s resolutions, although here I go again anyway.    I spent the last week working on re-evaluating 2014.   There were lots of things I didn’t like, but lots of things that I did like.  I have my list of goals and dreams and whatnots that I am going to work on this year.   

First I am going to let go of 2014.  

Work was one big year of sucking the happiness out of the job and the life out of me and by default family.  It took me almost six months to wrap my head around the “new normal” at work and make peace with things in the office.   Once I did though, I became instantly calmer and the satisfaction in life started to come back.   Not completely, and going to work still doesn’t give me the joy it did in 2013, but at least when I walk in the office I don’t want to cry and run sit in a corner chewing on my hair anymore.

Let’s just say that the bullies in the office were allowed to run amok.    One has since left when it was finally proven that he really was a worthless piece of flesh pretending to be an employee.   The other is still there.   But as I became more focused on what I could control, and others in the office started changing their attitude as well, a new kind of calm took over.    It became apparent to the one remaining bully that she had burned too many bridges and people.    All of a sudden she realized she had no allies remaining in the office and almost overnight became a smiling and sickly sweet woman.   Well every now and again her true personality comes out, but her “happy” self is really scary.   She is now in the uncomfortable position of realizing that the team has re-grouped and recommitted to doing our best and she is left on the outside.    Her efforts to make nice have been met with polite professionalism but no warmth or inclusion.   So,  at some point in time a new division leader - yet to be found will start (and the 10 months of no leadership is a story for another day) and take the office in a new direction.   

There was drama in the first six months of our family life, but fortunately it was met head on.   Swift decisions (and a smart judge) made the process as painless as possible for us and now we are moving on.   Both my brothers-in-law suffered medical crisis and are now doing better.  

My determination to have “happy thoughts” and continue re-routing the negative into some kind of positive will remain the main focus.  Self improvement is next on the list.