Good Mother, Good Employee and Good Friend

Steph, just wrote a heartfelt missive about how sad and disappointed she feels for leaving SOAR to be home with family. GO STEPH! (and of course I don't know her except through her blog, but I pretend and there you go). She's right, it sucks being a mom sometimes, and it is absolutely right that you let one and all know your disappointment, after all, why can't we be disappointed? and more important, why should we not be allowed to express our disappointment. I don't mean looking your kid in the face and saying "I hate you because I have to do something for you instead of me" it means, "man, I'm sorry you're sick (or whatever) and I'm glad that you need me but I'm really sorry that this happened now because I have been looking forward to my trip all year". And what would be wrong with that?

I have been accused of being a not got employee and not good friend. That hurt. I didn't reply that the accuser was not a good boss and not a good friend. Because sometimes you know that whatever you say is going to be flipped and then it is all your fault/responsibility. Then you sit there and wonder WTF and how did that happen? Then you realize that the flipper is really good at it and why are you surprised because you've seen similar instances of this same scenario happen over the years. And hmmmm, maybe all those other people had a point. So what do you do? Resign. As in find my replacement I'm out of here. As in, OMG as of next week I will be unemployed and not able to collect unemployment because I QUIT.

AM I NUTS? Well, actually someone has accused me of that, but when I checked with my family and a few other friends discovered that no I'm not. And you know the crazy people don't know that they are crazy so maybe since I thought to ask people if I was crazy, that meant I really wasn't. Maybe. But I do know that I got through the first of my last two weeks, and by the end of the week things were better. I've been given the opportunity to change my mind until the last time I walk out the door, and I honestly thought about it for about 30 seconds, then stopped myself. Things won't change. The circumstances won't get any better and I know that some people talk behind other people's backs and make things up - because that is what they truly believe. I'm also aware that being two-faced is human nature. That doesn't mean I have to like it.

On being a good friend. Good friends don't try and come in between their friend and that friend's sister. There. I've said it. I didn't realize how serious the situation really was until recently. Fortunately I did realize that there was a problem and adjusted my conversations so that they did not include said sister. But the stress and strain was apparently coming to a head (see quiting above). I feel better. My face doesn't feel "heavy" never had that one before. and maybe my heard palpitations and racing and other crappy feelings will stop some. Although I've been told that goes with the territory of "the change" like some horror flick. We shall see. I'm going to try and keep a better handle on the blog, since I know so many people read it - hahahahahahha I'm gong to be better at time management, since I'll be looking for a new job for the foreseeable future. I'm going to try temp work for awhile and most important. I'm going back to school. I'm going to finish my stinkin degree even if it kills me. Then I"m going to have to decide what to do when I grow up.

Oh yeah, and I need to spend 5 hours at the dentist at the end of the month. Can you say pudding for thanksgiving????